• I’ll be done in five minutes
• You’re going to like it
• You probably need stitches
• It’s probably just cramps
• You just need to drink water
• I’m going to the gym
• New Hampshire isn’t a state
• Blu Cheese is delicious
• It tastes like chicken
• You’ll like the salmon 
• You’re a great singer
• It will only hurt a little bit
• It was a good movie
• You won’t like tequila 
• You don’t need to wax your eyebrows
• Your dance recital was wonderful
• It doesn’t look that bad

LIES. ALL LIES. 

5:35 pm  •  31 May 2012

(Source: j33zyyy, via pearlswhiskeyandfratboys)

8:52 pm  •  21 May 2012  •  3,155 notes

The Mindy Project looks awesome! 

12:48 pm  •  15 May 2012  •  5 notes

Andy Cohen’s book Most Talkative: Stories from the Front Lines of Pop Culture is pure bliss. Buy it. Read it. Worship it. 

#star

1:57 pm  •  8 May 2012  •  2 notes

RIP Maurice Sendak

Mr. Sendak, thank you for sharing your gift with us. 

(Source: drawnblog, via themostsophisticatedwoman)

1:53 pm  •  8 May 2012  •  10,546 notes

Happy April 25th!

(via bourbonpearlsandwildcats)

12:20 pm  •  25 April 2012  •  235,242 notes

(Source: tsunderess, via bourbonpearlsandwildcats)

12:18 pm  •  25 April 2012  •  74 notes

Awesome! I love new friends! But let’s map out what the five minutes after I press accept will entail: 

- I will look through all of your profile pictures

- I will read everything on your info page

- I will look at the pictures you are tagged in and determine how fun you are

- I will look to see if we have mutual friends

- If I see someone in your friends or on your wall that seems interesting, I’ll click on their profile and get to know them too

- I’ll debate if I want to write on your wall or not (depending on how we know each other, of course) 

and lastly, I’ll press the ‘home’ button and go back to my normal facebook stalking, except I’ll have made one new facebook friend.

12:07 pm  •  25 April 2012  •  2 notes

(Source: itsstilllife, via bourbonpearlsandwildcats)

5:11 pm  •  18 April 2012  •  453 notes

• I love to cook (and I’m pretty good at it)
• I’m an even better baker
• I watch a lot of television
• I have a lot of good anecdotes on hand
• I try to see the glass half full 
• At a moment’s notice, I will whip out a movie quote
• I love sports (Baseball and Football specifically)
• I wear yoga pants a lot 
• I appreciate laying around all day doing nothing
• I have no problem doing my own thing 
• I love Lord of the Rings
• Rudy made me cry, too
• Will Ferrell is my God
• I can do weird impressions of people 
• I’m girly, but not too girly 
• I too watch Game of Thrones 
• I’ve seen Entourage enough to appreciate it 
• I root for the underdog 
• I’m a sorority girl, but you wouldn’t guess it right away
• Terms of endearment make me smile
• The rain doesn’t bother me
• I’m a closet pyro-maniac
• I live for superhero movies
• Marvel is way better than DC comics
• Wolverine is the coolest X-Man
• I like the Jets 
• I like to read
• I love the beach 
• But I also love the mountains
• I love horses more than almost anything
• I put family and friends first
• I’m good at sharing
• I try to be as honest as possible
• I appreciate exercise, even though I don’t do it as much as I should
• I won’t get mad if you watch porn
• I’m just as happy eating at Burger King as I would be at a super fancy restaurant
• I talk about poop a lot 
• Harry Potter is my life
• I kicked butt at Dodgeball in middle school
• Step Brothers might be one of the greatest movies ever
• I’m motivated and determined
• I hate Twilight
• I don’t mind doing the dishes
• I can carry my own shopping bags 
• I like dogs
• I sporadically bake yummy desserts
• I’d rather stay in and watch tv or movies than go out 
• I am on the constant quest to perfect the grilled cheese
• barbequing rocks 
• I think wearing pants is over-rated 
• Every Friday should be pizza day 
• I don’t mind baseball caps 
• I too like sweatpants
• I have the sense of humor of a five year old 
• The word ‘fart’ makes me giggle 
• I can find phallic symbols in every day objects 
• Hook is a solid movie
• I can fit my fist in my mouth 

among other things…

5:03 pm  •  18 April 2012  •  2 notes

• I talk about poop a lot
• I walk really fast 
• I get anxious about getting on and off planes 
• I need to be everywhere at least 10 minutes early 
• I don’t eat fish
• I’m scared of heights 
• Sometimes I sing in the shower
• I have commitment issues - sometimes
• I usually think at one point or another someone is mad at me
• I will ask if you are “okay” at least three times in a minute if you don’t have a smile on your face
• I change outfits at least six times each morning before picking out my outfit for the day
• I hate the Red Sox 
• I don’t understand why people like basketball
• I constantly complain about my hair 
• Men butts freak me out
• I think Bananas are the devil’s fruit
• I put enough sugar in my morning tea to knock out a hippo 
• I didn’t watch the KONY video
• Arrested Development is just okay
• I still love you George W. Bush
• I think fur is fabulous
• I eat a lot of meat 
• I’m pretty sure Global Warming might be a myth
• I religiously watched Sarah Palin’s reality show…and loved every second of it
• Forrest Gump didn’t make me cry 
• I’m extremely stubborn
• I don’t take criticism well
• I eat too much 
• I like dancing 
• I live for 90s pop music 
• I turned my back on Britney during her ‘I’m bald and crazy’ time, but now I’m back on the bandwagon
• I use ‘YOLO’ in a non-ironic fashion
• I’m a biddie about 85% of the time
• SORORITY SQUAT!
• I can’t get enough of Jersey Shore
• I enjoy videos of fat people falling on youtube
• Eternally nice people annoy me 
• I’m a feminist when the mood suits me 
• I don’t eat enough vegetables
• I think every cruise will end up like the Titanic 
• I’m a bad driver 
• I judge people too quickly
• I’m pro-Jennifer Aniston 
• I’m really bad at math
• I always read the end of books before I finish them so I know what happens
• I steal covers in my sleep
• I kick in my sleep
• I’m addicted to my phone
• I don’t understand Nirvana’s appeal 
• I’ve never read Catcher in the Rye 

4:48 pm  •  18 April 2012  •  5 notes

I used to think grilled cheeses were called ‘girl cheese’ and that boys weren’t allowed to eat them. 

1:02 pm  •  18 April 2012

1. start a pickle company and call them Snickles
2. start a children’s clothing company called Baby Snook so my future child can look like a cheetah-covered oompa loompa
3. start a cookie company and call them Snooki’s Cookies (or Snookies) 
4. start a hair clip company and call them Snares
5. host a prank show (a la punk’d) and call it You’ve Been Snook’d
6. create a line of cocktails called Snocktails/Snookaritas
7. create a gambling service and call it Snooki’s Bookies 
8. demand crayola create an orangey color and call it Snookin 
9. punch the situation in the face 
10. have sex with Vinny one last time…

1:25 pm  •  27 March 2012  •  14 notes

Would it be inappropriate to attend all JETS games this fall with a sign that says: HEY TIM, WILL YOU T-BONE ME?  

Awkward? Inappropriate? Funny? 

1:18 pm  •  27 March 2012  •  1 note

8:06 pm  •  22 March 2012  •  54 notes